Wednesday Wordage: Chiron, son of Chronos, god-like beast...

One of the many things that vexes me about the state of civil discourse these days has to do with qualifications, or more precisely, disqualifications.  We have too many news and opinion shows on too many channels and blogs and twitters, all going 24/7.  All of these outlets need people to voice opinions--otherwise, no show, and no ad revenue. But what does it take to be one of these opinion-spinners?

The qualifications are minimal.  One can earn an advanced degree in seemingly any field, or you can be at a think-tank, or you can be an elected official, or you can have an obsessive blog about a particular subject, or be eloquent, or telegenic, or family of someone relevant, or any of a number of other things.  All of these things, whatever their true worth at forming an educated opinion, apparently qualify you to share your opinion with lots of people, and try to sway their opinions.

What distresses me is not how easy it is to gain qualification as an opinion-maker.  It is, rather, how it is nearly impossible to be disqualified as an opinioneer.  There are too many people whose opinions are given far too much weight, based on how their previous opinions or policies have played out in the real world.  They should, one thinks, be disqualified from having publicly broadcast opinions on these matters.  We really should never have to listen to a news or opinion piece on human rights from Henry Kissinger, on middle-eastern policy from Dick Cheney, on defence policy from Don Rumsfeld, on presidential powers from John Yoo, on appropriate workplace behavior from Bill Clinton, and so on--except, perhaps to hear them say, "whatever you do, make it the opposite of what I did".  But banning people is not the solution, or consistent with our constitution. 

So, I argue for the return of the epithet.  You may remember epithets from Homer and his ilk:  swift-footed Achilles, Eos of the rosy fingers.  In documented history, you have kings such as Ethelred the Unready or Ivan the Terrible.  These adjectival phrases become part of the character's name.   Epithets help us to grasp the essential nature of the person, and they're not always flattering.

There are certain positions or clearly stated opinions--not off-the-cuff remarks, but publicly declared views--that have been tested by time, and found stupid or odious.  They become less like opinions and more like falsified hypotheses that are still, despite evidence, clung to.  I propose that these should become epithets.  However, it doesn't really advance public discourse when you reduce a talking head's world-view to a single adjective like "unready" or "terrible."  A more useful and informative epithet, one that would help the audience to weigh an opinion, would be something such as "who thought Sarah Palin would be a good president" or "who reckons that bombing Iran would be constructive," to suggest a few that would apply to the Honorable Senator John McCain.

How does one deal with a bulky and cumbersome epithet such as this?  A solution is provided by repurposing yet another scourge of public discourse, the Chyron.  Chyrons (the name is apparently a trademark and has nothing to do with the centaur who taught Achilles; they are also called crawls or "the bottom third") are those lines of text that pollute the bottom of a TV screen whenever there is a talking head spouting opinions.  They are generally full of garbage, or take the talking head's opinion an reduce it to one phrase of mush.  Either way, they do nothing useful.  I suggest taking the Chyron and using it to show the talking head's epithet.

Here's an example: nowadays, we see James Inhofe's head talking above lines of text saying "Sen (R) Okla / Jets 14 Ravens 3 (final) / Dow up 13 3/8 / Did Rhianna cheat on Ussher? / Volcanic eruption in Hawaii threatens golf course..." and so on.  Instead, we should see James Inhofe talking above lines of text saying "despite a century of accumulated scientific evidence and the assurances of pretty much everybody who has studied them, he refuses to place any credence in biological evolution or anthropogenic climate change.  Also gets lots of money from fossil fuel business."  That way the viewer would know the talking head is venal and committed to ignorance on not just one, but two, and probably lots of issues.

It might be argued that this would stifle free discussion of important issues.  But, if you consistently have opinions that the passage of time have shown to be clearly dumb and harmful, it seems that your views should be branded.  If you're stupid on one topic, fine, opine on others--and if you trip on those, you will accumulate more tar and more feathers, for all to see.  It's been noted that, in the internet age, that a PhD does not automatically confer wisdom, and that formal qualifications have become less important.  Right now, civil discourse has an urgent need for disqualifications. 

(signed) J. A. Appleman...for a while, thought corn-based ethanol was a reasonable alternative energy source... 

 I'll put a few possibilities in the comments...please add your own.

Tuesday Tool Early Winter Edition

The tool of the day was going to be the 20-foot trailer used to schlep the two tons of hay which I unloaded this afternoon.  But no, the honor of being the tool of the day goes to...

...the cat warmer.

Seriously, he hasn't moved for the last four hours.

Interesting mail

This was in the mail; I opened it before I realized it was addressed to a long-ago resident of our place.  I feel there's no harm in posting it, with a few redactions and the boring stuff at the end omitted.

URGENT MEDICAL DEVICE RECALL

“DREAMCATCHER” MODELS #4582BR-C, -D, -E, #4582BS-A, -B.

Dear [redacted]

You are receiving this letter because our records indicate that you may have purchased a defective and possibly dangerous item from one of our MegaCo stores.  We are voluntarily recalling Zhinghui Novelty Trading Company “Dreamcatcher” Models #4582BR-C, -D, -E, and #4582BS-A, -B sold in our stores between November 2013 and March 2014.  These models can be distinguished from previous and subsequent models of dreamcatchers sold in our stores by having only three feathers, located at positions corresponding to 3-, 6-, and 9-o’clock.  We recommend IMMEDIATE removal of these products from cribs, bedrooms, or any areas where sleeping may occur.

It has come to our notice that there are several manufacturing issues with the product.  The number of feathers is not sufficient to catch most bad dreams.  The feathers, despite assurances from Zhinghui Novelty Trading Company, are sourced from domesticated chickens and ducks, rather than free-living hawks and falcons.  Moreover, the persons manufacturing these objects were observed by our inspectors to have been in a negative frame of mind, often under intense stress from production quotas, and ill from glue-induced headaches.  The inspectors also noted the factory was polluted by a sense of guilt caused by the misappropriation and frankly crass commercialization of Native American sacred culture.

These manufacturing defects render these objects 45% less effective than placebo at preventing bad dreams or retaining good dreams.  The dreamcatchers subject to this recall are 93% ineffective at stopping dreams induced by eating Welsh Rarebit before bed.  Users have also reported dreams involving speeches before large audiences while wearing nothing but underwear, endless falling, unpleasant incidents in high school, and “that one with the giant spider, but it’s actually your boss, and she, you know, like, has you in a web, and you sorta wake up and your sheets are all tangled up, but you’re sorta asleep too, and then she turns into an evil clown-slash-Newt Gingrich, and he’s trying to sell you some Amway stuff…”  While there have been no fatalities associated with these products, we have reports of numerous bad dreams that have left a sort of “off” feeling for most of the day and a lingering jumpiness that can last for up to three days.

Due to the psychohazardous nature of this product, it is unlawful to dispose of it in municipal waste.  Defective products should be wrapped in three layers of heavy aluminum foil or contained in a leaden box and returned to the MegaCo store of purchase for a full refund and a voucher good for two sessions of either Freudian or Jungian psychotherapy at one of our convenient in-store clinics. 

The management of MegaCo sincerely apologizes for any adverse results of the use of this product.  However, due to malfeasance on the part of the Zhinghui Novelty Trading Company, MegaCo does not accept legal responsibility for any damage done by this product.  For further information, contact MegaCo legal departme…

 
...and so on.  I haven't forwarded it; at this time, the addressee's sleep is eternal, and, I hope, peaceful.

Wednesday words, avoiding embarassment with the neighbors edition

I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep.
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep.
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep.  
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep. 
I will not use the word "herd" to describe a group of sheep.            

subliminal influences of TV programming?

We don't have a TV.  Perhaps because of that, I notice them in public spaces and have a harder time ignoring them than other folks.  They're over the checkout stands at a local grocery, and over some gas pumps. 

Today I went to the local branch of a bank whose name rhymes with "Smells Cargo."  I have to do business there every month or so.  The previous time I was there, I noticed that they had installed a TV above the line of tellers, so the folks waiting in line would have something to pass the time.  When a TV is set up in a public space such as a bank or airport terminal, it has to be set to something anodyne, so the set was tuned to some sort of vintage-1950's -60's TV station. 

The last time I was there at the bank, there was an episode of some cowboy drama, featuring an armed bank robbery.

This time, it was an episode of the Lone Ranger, featuring an armed bank robbery. 

It could be taken as evidence that violent TV programming does not have any effect on behavior, as everybody else in the considerable line was ignoring it, and I was unarmed.  

Sunday Slime

That brilliant orange slime mold I posted on Friday?  I forgot the follow-up.  In the space of six hours, it turns into something like this:

and in a day, those little pellets crumble into dust.  Pretty impressive.  Just think of the metabolism involved in converting all that orange pigment into purple-black. 

Here's a couple more slimes for your delectation:

 I just love the little stalks.  Each mushroom is about 1mm.

Kind of impressionistic, the larger blobs are a couple of mm.

Friday Flora...well, not truly flora, but still...

Rainy season is here.  The fungi have awoken from their summer slumber, and are spreading their umbrellas all over the place.  But they're not really flora. 

Wandering further, phylogenetically, each rain brings forth a bloom of slime molds--not flora, not even fungi--more closely related to us, actually.  They are mostly inconspicuous.  But one of them really jumps out after every rain: 

It's not Fuligo, who has strutted across this stage before.  I'm guessing it's one of the Plasmodial slime molds, but beyond that, I don't know.  Anybody know? 

More slimeys later--it's no longer flower season, it's the season of fungi and their allies.